


I'm a work in progress, but I'm trying

by magnusbanesnudes



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Best Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I love my boys, djfidsjfajf, ryan has a panic attack, shane is the best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 14:56:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13367094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnusbanesnudes/pseuds/magnusbanesnudes
Summary: anon: can you write a fanfic about ryan having a panic attack and shane being a loving and supporting friend (and maybe more?)you bet your ass i can





	I'm a work in progress, but I'm trying

**Author's Note:**

> hit that mf kuddos button if youre a gay ghost hunter

To say that Ryan was stressed was an understatement. 

Sometimes he felt like he couldn’t catch a breath. Between the shows he currently co-hosted and all of his other videos and projects, Ryan felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders and there was nothing he could do to shrug it off. The only peace he could find was his best friend and ghost hunting pal, Shane. 

The word love didn’t quite fit what he had in mind when he thought of Shane. Feelings, on the other hand, feelings fit just right. 

Ryan didn’t always know what to do with these feelings, these feelings of sudden breathlessness and confusion. Being in the same room as Shane left him disoriented and afraid. Not afraid of Shane, never afraid of Shane, but afraid of what was happening to him. Call him paranoid, but the feeling that the fans were right was always in the back of his mind.  
Maybe Shane was a demon, maybe making his heart race and his hands feel all clammy and gross was Shane’s way of playing with the human. 

Skipping over that thought, Ryan turns to his current task: editing the latest Buzzfeed Unsolved video. In this episode, they covered the Pennhurst Asylum. Even editing the video sent continuous shivers down Ryan’s spine, almost as if he was still there. 

Watching the footage play back on his monitor just a few inches away from his wide eyes was enough to make his breathing quicken. There was something, a feeling in his gut that was crawling its way out through his throat. Like the smart and logical man Ryan was, he decided to ignore it. 

He was mostly through editing when he felt off. Ryan noticed that he couldn’t stay focused on the video playing right in front of him. He kept zoning out, only to zone back in moments later in a state of shock. He had no idea what was happening to his body, he simply could not gain control of himself. It scared the shit out of him. 

Looking over at the desk next to him, he realized Shane had left at some point. Why hadn’t he noticed this? Did Shane get up and walk away because of him? Was he annoying to sit by? Yeah, he tapped his fingers occasionally, he couldn’t help it. And maybe he typed a little too loud sometimes, but Shane never said anything to him about it. 

So caught up in his own mind, he didn’t realize Shane himself walking up behind him. The weight of a hand on his shoulder shocked him, his body let out an involuntary squeak at the contact. 

Pins and needles exploded in his chest, mind fogging up even further. Ryan felt like he was somewhere else, somewhere not in his body. He distantly heard Shane saying his name, but couldn’t process anything else coming from Shane's mouth. Where had Shane come from? Everything sounded muted, maybe they were under water? 

He didn’t realize that his body was being moved until he could feel Shane’s breath against his neck. Ryan, moving slower than he had previously thought possible, gathered the strength to move his stiff arms to wrap around Shane’s neck as he was carried out of the room in long strides. 

Where they were going, Ryan didn’t know. He was just thankful to be away from his desk. The suffocating feeling had not gone away and Ryan legitimately worried that he may suffocate. Logically he knew that he was not being choked, but still, it was the only explanation his brain would supply him with. 

Ryan vaguely felt himself being gently sat down on a soft couch. ‘Lounge room couch’, his mind supplied. Of course, Shane would bring him to the private lounge room. Perfect, thoughtful Shane. Shane, who makes fun of Ryan but still holds his hand when he gets scared. Shane, who compliments Ryan for being so brave even though Ryan is scared shitless more than half of the time. Shane, who blushes when they make eye contact for more than a few seconds at a time. 

Shane, who was holding a water bottle in front of Ryan's face with a ‘try me, bitch’ look set firmly on his face. 

“Ryan, can you hear me? You don’t have to talk, but just, like, I don’t know, blink a few times or something?” Shane said, waving his hand in front of Ryan's face like an idiot. 

Slowly, Ryan brought his eyes up to meet Shane’s. Seeing that Ryan wasn’t actually brain dead, Shane relaxed the smallest bit into the chair he was currently half sitting on.  
Still holding out the water bottle, Shane took one of Ryan’s hands into his free hand and placed it firmly on the bottle. Ryan could feel himself become more grounded as the sweat on the outside of the water came in contact with his hand, reminding him that yes, he was still in his body. 

“ Do you wanna talk about it? “ Shane asked, his hands now resting on his knees, looking ready to jump up and lasso the sun from the fucking sky if that’s what Ryan needed. Ryan took a few small sips of the water and nodded his head, eyes downcast to the floor. Suddenly his shoelaces had become very interesting. 

“I just- I don’t feel like myself right now. I know I’m here, logically I know that my body is here but I feel so far away sometimes. Like a spectator or something like that. I feel like- like I have no control over my own mind anymore.” Ryan mumbled. He fiddled with the bottle cap in his hand, feeling the rough ridges along the side. 

Taking a deep breath, he started again. 

“And I know I can get annoying really easily. I know I’m a coward and I get scared by bouncy balls and bats and shit like that. You really deserve another co-host, someone who can handle himself like an adult and doesn’t flinch at creaky floorboards or scream and faulty flashlights. 

I’m a goddamn mess, Shane, and you deserve someone better than me to spend your time with. And I want to ask you to not leave. Please don’t leave me, I know I’m a work in progress but I’m trying. I’m trying so fucking hard to be good enough for you Shane. But that would be selfish of me, so I’m not going to ask that of you.” 

He doesn’t have it in him to look at Shane while speaking, not even a glace up from his shoes. Ryan can feel tears coming, and the last thing he wants to do is cry in front of Shane and seem weaker than he knows he is. 

As Ryan heard Shane stand up, he assumed that the taller man was simply going to leave. He was not expecting the weight that suddenly made itself known on the cushion next to him on the couch. Ryan certainly didn’t expect the hand that found its way into the grip of his very own either.

And he certainly wasn’t expecting Shane’s other hand to gently grab his chin, forcing him to look Shane in the eyes. He blushed and tried to avert his gaze, but Shane only tightened his grip. 

Shane’s words came out in a hushed whisper, “I know I joke around and tell you that you’re annoying and a baby sometimes, but I mean it when I say that I need you by my side. You’re my best friend, Ryan, and I can’t do this without you. This show is your baby, and I’m just here for as long as you’ll have me here with you.

I am never leaving you, you’ll have to hire a hitman to get rid of me when you finally get tired of me.” Shane gave Ryan’s hand a quick squeeze, relishing in the way Ryan’s eyes lit up with the small action. 

“Get tired of you? Never.” Ryan whispered back. 

Their faces were now only inches apart, Ryan couldn’t remember when they had gotten quite so close.

Shane’s gaze kept flickering down to his lips, Ryan’s doing the same to Shane’s.

“Fuck it.” Shane muttered, closing the distance between the two.

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is shyan-wheeze lmao hmu if you liked this and hmu if you hated it idk just hmu in general im lonely and gay


End file.
